You can do better!

I have been reading The Fry Chronicles, which is the second part of Stephen Fry's autobiography (I was unaware that there was a first part before I began reading, otherwise I would have started there) and it is one of the best books I have read in a long time. This is partly because Fry thinks along the same lines as I do, and partly because he has done a lot of things that I am very curious about (such as go to Cambridge), but mostly because his writing style is just so brilliantly dry and ironic and self-critical and humorous. He just loves his alliterations, as when he describes the "fumbling, frotting, fondling and farcically floppy failure as well as more infrequent feats of fizzing fanfare and triumphant fleshy fulfilment" (104) that made up his love life. Sometimes he can explode in anger, while still maintaining his own voice, as in "[t]he people who tell you this are cut from the same cloth as those who grow up these days to become trollers on internet sites and who specialize in posting barbarous, mean, abusive, look-at-me, listen-to-me anonymous comments on YouTube and BBC 'Have Your Say' pages and other websites and blogs foolish enough to allow space for their poison. Such swine specialize in second-guessing the motives of those who are brave enough to commit to the risk of making fools of themselves in public and they are a blight on the face of the earth" (95). It truly is a wonderful book, I would recommend it to anyone, even those slightly less interested in the person of Stephen Fry.

But that is not the point I was going to make today! And believe me, there is a point to all this.

At some point (haha), Fry discusses his choice to go into theatre, even though he cannot sing, dance, or act very well. He explains one of his motives very shortly, saying "I suppose a conviction that one can do better is a necessary part of pursuing a calling" (93), however arrogant or presumptious it may seem. Reading or seeing or hearing something, and then thinking "I can do better than that!" as a kick-starter to artistic (or other) ambitions.
So I thought about that, and I think it is true for a lot of activists, artists, actors, or other professionals, like sportspersons (cannot say "sportsmen" anymore) or bankers (although they may be leaning more towards "I can do better for myself!"). You need that kind of drive to get going and keep going, in some things.
But on the other hand it's also very daunting, trying to be better than Ian McKellen or Vincent van Gogh or The Beatles or whatever. I mean, if I think about reading a book by Ian McEwan and thinking "I can do better than that!" it not only feels like blasphemy, it's genuinely untrue. I don't think I can do better than him, on the contrary, every time I read a very well-written book I feel like I will never get there, I will never be that good. And that is precisely one of those reasons why I tend to give up after a while; I have made some progress, something is visible, words are on the page or paint is on the canvas, and I look at it and go; "This can never be as good as X or Y! I might as well stop here, because it will all be for nothing anyway!"

And that, my friend, is what we call the wrong attitude!

So the insight of today is; I should become more arrogant. No, I shouldn't. But I should become more self-confident and not expect some masterpiece on first attempt, but think about the fact that Ian McEwan, or even Stephen Fry for that matter, must have written several drafts before their words were put that perfectly on the page. You can only get better with practise (I used to have a primary school teacher who was always telling me to "Practise! Practise! Practise!"), and you (I) will only practise if you do not think about all the masterpieces that are out there, but focus on what you are doing. Although you do have to be aware of it, of course. So that may not precisely be what Fry was talking about, but then again I am not "pursuing a calling" and not as ambitious as many think me to be, even though I do still dream of a life as an author (without all the stupid tv programs and quiz shows and whatever). Anyway, it's not as if he became what he set out to be, because he was determined to become a teacher in a boarding school. So who knows where we (I) will end up.

So that was my Fry-induced insight of today, and I hope it may do someone else some good as well!