Finding yourself

Yesterday I had a quick chat with a friend I hadn't heard from for a while, and he was talking about how he had found his "path" and was now on the way to "search for himself". I've always had trouble with this kind of thing; taking a step back from your life, going to sit in a room, and then muse about yourself. If I may just quote John Lennon here: Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. While you're sitting there thinking about your life, your not living your life. Also, if you were living your life (by which I mean, if you were busy enough), you wouldn't have time to spend worrying about how to live your life. You'd simply be doing it.
It was a funny coincidence, actually, because just this Friday we had a class discussion about Angels in America, and we tried to determine whether the characters were busy searching for themselves or trying to accept themselves. I think there is a big difference, and I think that most people who are "trying discover who they really are" are actually trying to accept who they really are. I can see how it is annoying when you'd always thought that you would be this adventurous world traveller, busy meeting new people and immersing yourself in new cultures, but you actually turn out to be an unmotivated software developer who never really goes out much. By saying that you're "searching for yourself", you're actually saying that you're "trying to find out why you're not who you thought you would be". This happens to a lot of people. It happens to me: I'd always hoped I would become a celebrated author/biologist living abroad and travelling a lot. It did not happen; my life is actually pretty suburbian, except for the travels abroad twice a year. However, I do accept this. I do not complain or think that I should go search for where things went wrong; I choose this life and I stand by that choice. This is who I am, at this point in time.
As we can see from the growing use of violence and antidepressants, most people get grumpy and annoyed with what their life turned out to be, and take it out on the soccer field or their children. A small group tries to search for themselves, tries to find out who they "really are" (I'm sorry, but honestly, who you "really" are is who you are right now. There is no hidden bottom drawer, or other persona, or hidden spirit, or whatever. You are you, end of story). I think both these options do not really work. There are two other things you can do: accept yourself (which is ironically what the "search yourself" people say they're trying to achieve, although generally they are talking about how they would rather live their life being more in harmony with themselves or nature or others or whatever, or be more spiritual, or accepting, which is not accepting yourself or the situation), or change the situation. Quit your job, sell your house, go travel around the world, start your own company, study something you do want to do, break up your poisonous relationship, do something. Make a change.
This is very radical, and most people say it is too much of a hassle. Fine by me, but then you should stop complaining and accept things as they are. As I mentioned before, I am not living the life I'd imagined for myself, but I still accept the situation. When I really wanted things to change, I would change them; move abroad or travel or quit my job or whatever. I realise that this becomes harder as you get older and more strings (partners, children, elderly parents, houses, work obligations) are attached, but most of the people I know who are "searching for themselves" are guys under 30, who are generally not in a relationship or very fixed job. So I would like to say to them; stop searching for yourself, you are who you are, your life is what it is, accept it and move on or change what you don't like. It's your life.